Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
