i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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