I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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