hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
