Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
