sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
