Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
