look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
