Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize