We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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