I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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