i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So here I am, sexting at work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
