i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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