I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
