If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
