the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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