So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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