I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
