I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize