the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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