i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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