just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
