Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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