i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
