I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
