Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
