I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
