i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
