either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
sarcasm needs its own font
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
