i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
