why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
