So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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