Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize