Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
