Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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