he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he had hair everywhere except his balls
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
