Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
