I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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