doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How external is "for external use only"?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
