It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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