she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
