How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
