"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
