When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize