I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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