I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
