he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
two words...techno handjob
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
did you just send me my own nude
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
