so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
