I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
