I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
