1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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