The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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