Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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