we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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