she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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