Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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