I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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