Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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