Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize