Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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