I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
