i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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