He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need water and some morals
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
