had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
