Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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