saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize