these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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