life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dick very happy bro
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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