It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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