I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
