i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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