she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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