tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
